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DAY
Day
The sensation is like being dragged through a cloud. A heavy, roiling nimbus which pervades your eyes, your ears, your skin, and what feels like your very soul. Or what's left of it.
Your eyes squeeze shut and when they open....well you know this place already, there was much ado about lampposts in this square not too long ago. But what you haven't known in how many weeks is the sun hanging high overhead, not stuck in a perpetual state of Twilight but properly shining in the sky.
The sun feels good and you feel more whole than you have in a while. Those are all inexplicably good things, and they should be celebrated. But the mark on your body, faded but still visible warns of something still more to come. And for those who have been missing a part of themselves for longer than that..it's just a whisper of a feeling, but it is very much real.
Welcome to Krakow, for real this time. For however long it lasts, at least.
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[ He's not mad. Just curious and a little somber. ]
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Well? What was that selfish thing? You've already taken your secret to the grave and I'm sure it can't be worse than what anyone else here has done.
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[Then again, if they all meet up, they will have beaten death anyway. And if they beat death then it's fine, right?]
...
In Dazai's time, there's three of us: Dazai, myself, and Odasaku. It's hard to really get to know anyone in a shady organization like the mafia, but the three of us were friends somehow.
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[ He smirks as he says that... But he listens for the sake of his own curiosity. ]
A shady organization? I can relate to being part of something like that- You're lucky to have found such good friends.
[ Yes, he got along with everyone there once he got settled in, but it still felt a bit lonely due to artistic differences. Plus the fact that it was so easy for them to turn on each other if something went horribly wrong... And yet... ]
What happened?
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But still, Ango will continue with his Tragic Backstory.]
I wasn't in the mafia for the titles, or money, or power. I was already a member of the Special Ability Department. Since the Port Mafia was made up primarily of ability-users, keeping them in check fell to my department. So they sent me in undercover to keep track of the Port Mafia's movements.
[He pauses to adjust his glasses. Telling this story isn't easy.]
Making friends, even just two of them, was the worst mistake I could have made. It compromised me. I kept thinking about them when I was supposed to be keeping up an act, and it led to the leader of the Port Mafia figuring out that I was a spy.
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Shin goes silent as the man continues on. An undercover spy getting too close to the people he was supposed to betray? An interesting tale, if anything. ]
So you didn't want Dazai to know that? Or is there something more to this situation?
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The last thing Dazai remembers before coming here is that I had 'gone missing'. What really happened was that the Port Mafia boss had started a convoluted plan. He could have just had me killed, but instead he used me as bait to draw out the Special Ability Department and get them to extract me from the Mafia while also paying a hefty price to keep the Mafia from killing me in the future.
But the boss didn't tell anyone about this plan. And during all of it, Odasaku tried to rescue me.
...he died, because of that. And the Dazai in my time still grieves and blames me for Odasaku's death.
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[ He frowns... That's a terrible tragedy, and it takes a good while for Shin to think of a response. ]
But it wasn't your fault.
[ He closes his eyes, his voice coming out somber, but a bit stern. ] How could anyone blame you for the actions of others? The Mafia's boss decided to use you as bait and no one else knew, and even if they did? Odasaku would have still put himself in the line of fire.
[ He reaches to place his free hand on the back of a pew, letting his fingers drum on the wood as he glances up at Ango. ]
Unless you killed him yourself, you don't even have his blood on your hands.
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[But nobody has ever told him that none of this was his fault before. It makes his stomach turn in an unpleasant way. ]
I'm not looking for pity or to escape blame here. I just... ever since that day, Dazai has only looked at me with cold eyes. To see that friendliness again was... I missed it. And I was selfish and I wanted to hold onto that for a little while longer.
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. . . Yes, perhaps it was selfish... But isn't it human to want things that badly? To do anything to save what was lost, or to go to a place where people won't frown upon your work... It's even worse when the choices you make when you're desperate have such horrible consequences.
[ Perhaps, in another life, Shin and his brother could have convinced Reverend Gray to accept them both. Maybe he should have known that was even an option before... But it's too late to save his twin. Far too late. ]
... So, yes. I know how you feel.
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...thank you. For understanding, and for not immediately punching me.
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He manages a softer smile, even though he still feels the residual pain. ]
Don't worry, I know of more worthy targets than you.
[ Targets, not material. Ango is neither, considering how plain he is compared to the rest. ]